in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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