Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
