listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize