Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
