I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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