I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We have so much sex to catch up on
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
