i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My vagina is officially offended.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
