i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
