Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Houston, we have a blender
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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