Sorry, I don't speak sober.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Randomize
