I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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