Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
