If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
