the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
