i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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