i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
