I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
