just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize