i love accidental penises.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
