I wish I could teleport
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize