dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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