I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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