so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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