well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
