I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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