In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
