We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
