That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
