So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
