ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize