Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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