And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
