girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish you could order shots online.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
