we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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