Yo dont text me then not text me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
