I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
