he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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