How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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