I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
