Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
