i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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