So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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