Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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