He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
