No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
