You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
