Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
