First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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