did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
