i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
