he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
50% drunk capacity currently
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
