I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize