I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
