we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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