so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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