So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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