There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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